" The potential of an eagle will take place in the skies, the nosedive on smaller animals, building nests.
The potential of an elephant will come in his size, strength and awkwardness.
No Eagle will be an elephant, and no elephant will be an eagle. They just are. They are what they are.
The individual who realizes himself ceases to be what is not. Does not strive to be more than what it is, with their feelings of security and defense. Do not try to be less than what it is, with their feelings of guilt and devaluation. Just let them be what it is .
(Perls)
The attachment is an innate behavior in humans. The child was born with a set of behaviors in adults to stimulate the response of care - protection.
are born 'HOW TO BE THE RELATIONSHIP
attachment figures and' a secure base to explore the world
Begins intense childhood and adolescence, lasts for a lifetime making about the intense emotions of falling in love, joy and tenderness to maintain the bond and the pain of his loss.
Major was developed secure attachment between caregiver and child, as well was the "secure base" to this offer, the more likely that the adult child will develop a good self-esteem and assertive behavior.
To develop a good behavior of attachment each of us, as a child, adolescent and adult must develop the conviction of being loved ed'essere lovable. Must be aware that their reactions positive absolutely free, non intenzionalmente determinate né dipendenti da particolari caratteristiche, quali la bellezza o la simpatia, ma originate semplicemente dal fatto di esistere.
Ma se l’individuo si sentirà amato per una sorta di strategia educativa fondata su un più o meno palese ricatto affettivo (“ti voglio bene solo se ti comporti bene, solo se la pensi come dico io, solo se provi le emozioni che provo io”) allora svilupperà il terrore dell’abbandono e conseguentemente comportamenti di dipendenza affettiva. Continuerà a chiedere anche in età adulta prove d’amore e d’apprezzamento da parte degli altri. E’ spesso un’illusione dalla quale ci si risveglia con le ossa rotte dicendo “Non is the right person. " And so it goes in search of an equally ideal of true love, collecting a series of abandonment and frustration, children mirror attachment failed.
The intensity of jealousy and possessiveness is inversely proportional to self-esteem, so the more a person is insecure (insecure-ambivalent pattern), and feels inadequate in comparison with others, the greater is the fear of being excluded from preferential relationship with your loved one.
" Every child has a legitimate need to be looked at, understood, taken seriously and respected by his mother. Must have the mother in the first weeks and the first months of life, use it, reflected in her. An image of Winnicott illustrates very well the situation: the mother watches the baby in his arms, the baby looks at mother's face and you will find ... as long as the mother looks really helpless that being in its uniqueness and does not comply Instead, their hopes and fears, projects sketched for his son, projecting on him. In this case in the face of the mother the child will not find himself, but the needs of the mother. Remain without a mirror and then life will remain in vain to look .
Alice Miller
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